Boredom and My Impossibly High Standards of Productivity (1/20/18)
What do you do when you're bored? Me? I rush towards productivity. False productivity too, I figured if I'm bored I could be doing something beneficial to me. I SHOULD be doing something beneficial. In my feelings of not ever doing enough boredom is the worst for me because it becomes a checklist of things I could and should do to improve x, y and z. That can't be right though. This isn't how boredom is supposed to work, right? Boredom is like the tag team partner for stagnation in my eyes and me being the heavyweight champion of guilt cannot afford to carry anymore regret. So I run to what I should do. I take most things to extremes, I've noticed. This isn't bad with balance but I don't balance it. Something's I found relaxing in the past do not relax me anymore. I turn on a game and now it's just another checklist of things to do, or I'm out of practice in a fighting game that non of my friends would dare play with me lol. Sometimes I just sit for far longer than I should because I'm bored. I figured writing it out would make it useful in the very least. You're allowed to change. That may sound random but I believe it connects. The games that relaxed me when I had no awareness of time and using that time to pursue greater things and improve more desired skills cannot and will not relax me now that I have this knowledge and awareness. And...that's ok.
The other day I was asked what I was doing, I replied nothing. In all honesty I was sitting trying to decide what to do so I wasn't lying. Then, the person asked me "Why aren't you drawing?". Valid question and that brings me to the next point. It's ok to be different from what your perceived to be. The you that everybody knows and loves most likely is not static. You will change. There's a very good chance in the future I might not bother with this blog or drawing at all. There's also a chance I'll still be doing both. But, change is a constant. Just like you didn't stay small and love watching Nick Jr. forever. We're allowed and more importantly expected to change on some level. Which comes right back around to my boredom issue. I cannot simply rely on the same means forever. Sure, I can be productive. But I should also explore other means of finding enjoyment and relaxation. Possibly, as you grow so must your horizons. That sounds smart? Deep? lol whatever. i think I'm onto something but I also feel that this too is fairly obvious. As usual. So I do too much of the same stuff, not enough productivity and when there is productivity there's not enough breaks and rewards for doing it. What's that? In the distance over? I think that's progress. Lol 😭😂
Conquer boredom and stuff.
Or not.
